House of Wax (2005)

House of Wax (2005)

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
Starring: Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Brian Van Holt

A group of college kids get stranded on their way to a football game and stumble upon a ghost town with a dark secret.

I wasn't looking forward to this. If it wasn't for the sake of a review, I would've skipped this entirely, but since I've covered the '33 and '53 versions, I figured I might as well round out the circuit. Whereas the '33 and '53 versions are very close to each other, this version strikes out in its own direction... by aping The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. >_> There's a helping of hillbilly horror nobody asked for and all the loathsome tropes of Aughts horror films, such as the thoroughly unlikable cast, the Freudian excuse villain, and the pointless gore that takes the place of genuine suspense. I will say that Elisha Cuthbert was at least pleasant to look at, Chad Michael Murray was an okay lancer, Brian Van Holt was a decent villain and Paris Hilton wasn't nearly as intolerable as I was expecting. There's lame symbolism as subtle as a brick to the face and other instances of being "clever" on the part of the filmmakers (It's a house of wax! You get it?) that make me want to smack them. Like pretty much all Aughts horror, it's a miserable waste of time, but I'll at least give them a point for not being entirely as bad as I was expecting. Still, don't watch this movie, not even to watch Paris Hilton die.

Avoid It